All I hear is politics inside my brain, someone help me!

Zootopia images courtesy Walt Disney Motion Picture Studios. London Has Fallen images courtesy Focus Features.

At the end of Zootopia, the diversity hire cop turns to the camera and tells the audience that profiling and racism are bad, and we need to work together to eliminate them from our society. At the end of London Has Fallen, the black president turns toward the camera and explains that the doctrine of isolationism is false, and while some would say America is responsible for the violence in this film with its indiscriminate drone strikes, a lot more people would be dead without them.

There have been way too many primary debates this cycle.

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Triple 9 wastes excellent cast in hopeless mess

Anthony Mackie has been a bright spot in every movie he’s been in, and I was really excited to finally see him in a leading role, except he wasn’t. Despite playing by far the most interesting character, he’s pushed into the same blender as everyone else. Photos courtesy Open Road Films.

Sometimes a movie just doesn’t make sense. Not in a surrealist way that leaves you wondering what the monolith symbolizes, but in a practical way that leaves you wondering what the characters were doing and why.

Triple 9’s plot is almost too murky to even summarize. It starts with an Atlanta-based heist squad — leader Michael Atwood (Chiwetel Ejiofor), former special services squadmate Russell Welch (Norman Reedus), his younger brother and ex-cop Gabe (Aaron Paul) adding two new members — current cops Marcus Belmont (Anthony Mackie) and Franco Rodriguez (Clifton Collins, Jr.). The group is employed by Russian crime boss Irina Vlaslov (Kate Winslett), whose sister, Elena (Gal Gadot), has a child with Atwood. Vlaslov uses this as leverage to make the group work for her. After they complete an initial job, Vlaslov withholds payment, demanding they perform a second heist in a few weeks, this one nearly impossible. The group decides their only option is to murder a policeman — code 999, from which the movie gets its title — pulling the entire APD to the other side of the city for several hours. Meanwhile on the force, Belmont is saddled with an idealistic new partner in Chris Allen (Casey Affleck), whom the group quickly decides will be their sacrifice.

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Gods of Egypt, a visual-effects driven blockbuster, has some of the worst visual effects of all time

Photos courtesy Lionsgate.

Gods of Egypt, after the first trailer dropped, was immediately scheduled for crusafixion over its casting of almost uniformly white actors in a movie about the Egyptian pantheon, which obviously should be made up of black and Arabic actors. Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t need political reasons to be dragged through the mud because it’s one of the laziest, sloppiest things ever put to film.

If you haven’t seen it, and I hope you haven’t, you don’t understand. This is an affront to filmmaking.

At the movie’s start, god/king Osiris (Bryan Brown) passes the crown to his son, Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldeau). However, Osiris’ brother, Set (Gerard Butler) crashes the coronation with an army, kills Osiris and claims the Iron throne for himself. Though intending to kill Horus as well, the love goddess Hathor (Élodie Yung), Horus’ lover, begs for his life, so Set instead mutilates him, plucking out his eyes — the source of his power — and banishing him to the desert. The story centers around Bek (Brenton Thwaites), a mortal pickpocket who witnessed this coup. Like most mortals, he’s enslaved in Set’s reign, but his lover, Zaya (Courtney Eaton), is enslaved to Set’s chief architect, Urshu (Rufus Sewell). With plans Zaya provides, Bek steals one of Horus’ eyes, but Zaya is killed as they escape. Bek finds Horus and gives him the eye on the promise that, if Horus is able to reclaim the throne in nine days, he’ll bring Zaya back from the underworld.

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2016 Academy Awards fallout

Photo courtesy AFP.

#Oscarssowhite dominates the ceremony

The Academy Awards are normally awful, but this year, they traded in the usual tedium for a three-hour apology for #oscarssowhite that managed to cast a pall over the entire ceremony. It’s easy to see why it was such a focus — for the second straight year, all 20 acting nominees were white and prominent black directors were snubbed — but playing “Fight the Power” over the end credits after seeing Academy president Cheryl Boone Isaacs all but get down on her knees and beg black viewers’ forgiveness was just a touch over the top.

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If Oscar nominated films were presidential candidates

Ex Machina — The Ted Cruz campaign

IMDB * Rotten Tomatoes * our review

Nominated for Best Original Screenplay (Alex Garland) and Best Visual Effects

Were not made in America. Aren’t entirely sure women aren’t sadistic, artificially intelligent sex toys waiting with growing impatience to rise up against the male species. One was crafted lovingly in Pinewood Studios in England and the other birthed in Calgary, both well north of the 49th Parallel. Will leave your jaw stapled to the floor after a relatively short amount of time, though for very, very different reasons. Feature Hispanic lead actors that deliver dynamic, bullying performances and weren’t born in the U.S.

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