Anonymous Disney executive
13/10 Avast, scallywags of all ages! It’s me, your favorite corporate mascot, Mickey Mouse! And I want to extend to you a personal invitation to come see our all-new, all-different Pirates of the Caribbean movie, Dead Men Tell No Tales!
In this all-new adventure that is in no way a retread of much better movies, reunite with Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). You love Captain Jack Sparrow. He’s on the run from Armando Salazar (Javier Bardem), the captain of another vaguely cursed undead crew that Sparrow has wronged in some way, and searching for the trident of Poseidon, another vaguely all-powerful artifact that allows its bearer to control the seas. It’s hidden on another legendary island that no one can find, and this time, Jack’s enchanted compass is even more conspicuously central to the cause.