‘The Substance:’ permission to hurt yourself

Images courtesy Mubi.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

The Substance is an indie masterpiece destined to turn filmmaking on its head overnight with its furious satire, retro techniques and list of B-movie references so long it reminds me of Pulp Fiction, another Franken-movie built out of references to French New Wave, more than anything else. The newer movie is even more Franken, building itself out of ‘80s body horror movies with an injection of gender horror and a snap-back escalation of the practical effects that make these movies so beloved, as if decades of innovation had stretched on unbroken. Like many genre revivals, it immediately enters the conversation for best body horror movie ever made.

Los Angeles- Elisabeth Sparkle (Demi Moore), who has an Oscar and a star on the Hollywood walk of fame to help hold onto the distant memory of her career, is suddenly fired from her longtime gig as an ‘80s-era fitness instructor, studio executive Harvey (Dennis Quaid) arbitrarily deciding that she’s too old. Despondent, she is approached by a secret society testing something referred to only as “the substance,” which causes Sparkle to produce an “other self,” an imperfect younger copy of herself with which she shares a consciousness, who introduces herself as Sue (Margaret Qualley).

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Kimmel suspension another stupid, cowardly Free Press failure, but I’m not worried

Kimmel. Image by Aude Guerrucci, Reuters.

Last night, in another act of corporate cowardice in the late-night sector, ABC announced that “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” would be “pre-empted indefinitely” after FCC chair Brendan Carr threatened action against the company following on-air comments about right-wing provocateur Charlie Kirk, who was assassinated a week prior.

Kirk, who made a career out of workshopping hateful talking points on college campuses primarily targeting black and queer people, which were then recycled into the larger right wing media system, got his worthless racist guts splattered all over Utah Valley University campus in front of thousands of people. The investigation, such as it is, is in its early stages, and for now, the suspect’s motives remain a point of intense contention between the American political right and left.

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Letting yourself get tricked by ‘The Conjuring’ one last time

Last Rites falls into the fatal trap of reminding me of several better movies. It references Ghostbusters and Poltergeist repeatedly to tie in its 1986 setting, and I can’t watch a haunted mirror movie without going back to Mike Flanagan’s debut masterpiece Occulus. It also shares a huge needle drop with the opening credits for British crime thriller Layer Cake, which is unfortunate.

Rating: 1 out of 5.

For 15 years, the Insidious/Conjuring series have been my bane, these stupid, colorless Halloween costume movies that rake in money hand over fist on name recognition and nothing else. Lately, however, New Line Cinema has affixed The Conjuring series with a franchise director, and the quality of their visual compositions, if nothing else, have sharply increased, and they’re putting these in IMAXs now after Oppenheimer and Killers of the Flower Moon did so well a couple years back. Would this hold for director Michael Chaves’ fourth and “final” entry, The Conjuring: Last Rites?

No.

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Re-entering ‘The Matrix’ in the age of simulacra

It’s priced for people who live in Grandscape.

A member of the legendary class of ’99, I saw The Matrix twice in theaters last year for 25th anniversary screenings. This was after a 2021 re-release ahead of The Matrix Resurrections, the series’ corporate-mandated retrofit, which was actually my first opportunity to see it in a theater.

Seeing The Matrix at the giant IMAX on Webb Chapel was very much like seeing it for the first time. The soundscape, a weak point in home viewing, is rich and layered in a theater’s surround sound, bringing out details I’d never heard before almost immediately, but what I really notice is the lighting. Famously, inside the Matrix, everything has a sickly green tint, but it’s also just slightly blown out. In photography, “exposure” refers to the amount of light that a piece of film is exposed to – “overexposed” means too much light hit the sensor, “underexposed” means too little, and “blown out” specifically means so much light hit the film that details in the brightest parts of the image aren’t recoverable. Scenes set in the Matrix are deliberately and very slightly blown out, the whites just barely stretching into those characteristic burnmarks that stand out if you know what you’re looking for. It’s obviously an artistic choice, but it registers in your brain as a mistake, this constant reminder that something about the world onscreen is phony.

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Mystery box of ‘Weapons’ is, predictably, empty

What’s happened here is the guy from “The Whitest Dudes U’ Know” took a rip, the kind of mid-range rip you think is huge when you’re taking it but doesn’t impress anyone else in the room, and said “What if ‘Naruto’ running were scary?” Images courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

There’s a new mystery box dealer in Hollywood. His boxes are also empty.

The mystery box is always empty.

Maybrook, Pennsylvania, 2:17 a.m. on a Wednesday- Seventeen children from the same class at Maybrook Elementary, as one, get out of bed and run out into the night. Police interview their teacher, Justine Gandy (Julia Garner), and their only remaining classmate, Alex Lilly (Cary Christopher), but get nowhere and apparently do nothing else. The story picks up a month later after the school has reopened and follows a handful characters who continue to unravel the mystery, primarily Gandy and one of the missing children’s fathers, Archer Graff (Josh Brolin, who also produces executively).

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