At Disney’s 100th birthday, ‘Wish’ perfectly captures a studio caught between murky past and future

Think clean thoughts, Knopp. Think nice, clean thoughts about this children’s cartoon with the talking goat. Images courtesy Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

It feels like the Disney logo at their films’ openings has extended longer and longer over the past several years, as if declaring the company’s dominance and overshadowing whatever film it leads by taking up more and more time. Frequently, we’ve seen this logo tailored to specific films, making the iconic Disney castle itself the setting of whatever we’re about to see. The individual show you paid for isn’t the important thing – it’s the Disney brand, so much so that films are shown to literally take place under the same Disney roof.

After at least five years of this and almost exactly 100 years of the Disney Company, we see Wish, the celebration of Disney designed for its centennial, and a movie that perfectly captures the contrast and competing motivations represented by the company’s storied past, the discarded failures of its history, its ongoing attempts to monetize that history and the crummy business practices that have become the norm over the past several years.

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‘Napoleon’ biopic is absolutely unhinged

Images courtesy Columbia Pictures.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Napoleon is a fat, slobbering pig of a movie that commands its 158 minutes like the emperor-general himself, taking what it wants when it wants simply because it was there. Absolutely unhinged. Bravo!

That biography you barely remember from ninth grade has left you with all you need to know of the plot. Napoleon Bonaparte (Joaquin Phoenix), a French military officer in the late 1700s, scores several key victories in North Africa. He returns home after the French Revolution to exploit the power vacuum, crowning himself Emperor Napoleon I and proceeding to invade everyone, conquering most of Mainland Europe before being defeated. As punishment, Napoleon was exiled to Elba, a small island off the coast of Italy, then he swims back to France and almost conquers Europe again!

Highlighted snapshots of this narrative are intercut about 50/50 with scenes from Napoleon’s love affair with Joséphine (Vanessa Kirby), his first wife and empress for the first six years of his reign.

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‘Holdovers’ is a beautiful window into an uninteresting past

Giamatti is one of our best living actors, he deserves all the success in the world, and he does knock Hunham out of the park. That doesn’t make the character any more interesting, though. Images courtesy Focus Features.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Barton Academy somewhere in New England, December, 1970- Ready to head home from boarding school over Christmas break, Angus Tully (Dominic Sessa) is abandoned by his mother to be one of five holdovers, and soon the only holdover, who stays over break under the watch of classics teacher Paul Hunham (Paul Giamatti), a bitter, cruel man reviled by peers and students alike who transparently takes his struggles out on his charges. The duo butt heads, but eventually learn that they’re not so – well, no, they’re both terrible, but they learn to stick up for each other.  

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All is true of ‘Saltburn,’ a modern Gothic class-war nightmare

Even the most mundane images of Saltburn arrest, haunt and poison. Images courtesy Amazon MGM Studios.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

At face value, Saltburn is a simple but extremely colorful story about sex and power dynamics across gender and class lines with a Parasite-esque narrative that twists and coils and becomes something else, and there’s even more to it than that.

It’s a big “vibe” movie, much more about mood than any literal interpretation, which is rough because the literal interpretations are thick and have a lot of variation. It’s way too easy to get lost in the weeds talking about mythological overlap and Barry Keoghan’s penis and miss what actually makes this such a wonderful film – stunning photography and a whole lot of attitude.

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Lionsgate packages ‘Hunger Games’ for the ‘Fantastic Beasts’ market, because it that’s been going so well

Images courtesy Lionsgate Films.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is a horrendous title. It’s about three times as long as it should be, painful to say and somehow even more embarrassing than a placeholder like “Untitled Hunger Games Prequel” might be. By stretching to incorporate so much of the series’ symbolism, it’s not just inviting you up its own ass, it’s forcefully dragging you there merely for thinking about it.

Also, it’s so close to several perfect titles for what’s really going on here, like Hunger Games: The Snake eats its own Tail or The Ballad of the Dying Business Model.

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