A word about commodifying homosexuality

Pegg won’t really give us the in-universe reason for new-Sulu to be gay when Prime Sulu isn’t. Any behavior comes down to three options — nature, nurture or choice. We’re pretty sure it’s not a choice, and it’d be weird for it to be nature. Did his upbringing change significantly? Are they pushing the theory that homosexuality is caused by lens flair? Photo courtesy Paramount Pictures.

Representation of minorities and women have always been important, and they’ve become increasingly important to the public over the past few years. For political reasons both flimsy and painfully real — the Black Lives Matter movement and all the death that started and sustains it plays into this — demands for proportional onscreen representation have become louder, and they’ve been heard. Studios are finally beginning to realize that people who aren’t straight white males also see movies and the straight white male crowd is mostly mature enough to handle seeing movies about other kinds of people anyway. The Academy is forcefully diversifying. This is by-and-large a good thing — black actors are getting more work and black children have more characters and action figures who look like them to look up to and grow up playing with.

But with LGBTs, it gets a little more complicated because of the closet. There are far, far more actors in Hollywood who are gay or bisexual than we publicly know about, as confirmed by common sense, anyone who’s ever stepped foot in a drama class and Matt Damon. Additionally, sexuality is a character trait that isn’t always spelled out expressly, so there’s nothing saying Mad Max isn’t gay or James Bond isn’t bisexual. You can’t usually hide an actor or character’s skin color, so black actors need black characters for work and any black character will obviously be black, but none of that applies for LGBT actors and characters.

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When $46 million is not nearly enough

Photo courtesy Columbia Pictures.

Watching the box office closely, I’ve developed a pet theory that a major studio is going to go under in the next few years. Ticket sales have been declining steadily since 2002, with 2014 actually being the worst year in terms of total tickets sold since 1995. Since ticket prices have also been steadily rising, the bottom line has kept going up, but it isn’t going up quickly, and it’s been hovering around $10.5 billion since 2009. This is what a market bubble looks like — raw purchases are going down and profits are stagnating, but the problem is budgets keep going up. Studios are scheduling movies several years in advance now to try and keep up with Marvel, and when the bubble crashes and dwindling audiences overtake rising ticket prices, they’re not going to be able to pull the brakes. A lot of the money they’ve promised to big-budget tentpole films will have already been spent.

Everyone in the industry will say the depression is the problem, pat themselves on the back and no one will be fired, but the problem isn’t that people are going to the movies less and less — the problem is that people are going to movies less and less, and at the same time studios continue to put colossally stupid amounts of money into the budgets anyway.

Now you probably think this is just a kooky, far-fetched conspiracy that couldn’t possibly happen, and that’s the logical reaction, but here’s the thing — it’s already happening!

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Swiss Army Man is the funniest thing in theaters, but only if you’re into fart jokes

Photo courtesy A24.

The thing about comedies is, like any joke, they ultimately comes down to the joke-teller’s sense of humor.

Co-writer/directors Daniel Scheinert and Daniel Kwan have a really weird sense of humor.

Swiss Army Man opens on Hank (Paul Dano) cast away on a deserted island and about to hang himself, having long-since run out of food. Before stepping off, he sees a bloated corpse (Daniel Radcliffe) has just washed ashore. Hank investigates, thinking he may be alive, and discovers that the corpse is farting. But these are no normal farts — they come in an endless stream, and are powerful enough to propel the corpse across water. Hank rides the corpse across the ocean, but must still get through a vast wilderness to get to civilization. The corpse reveals more and more useful tricks at every turn and eventually begins to speak and keep Hank company. Hank dubs him Manny, the Swiss-army man, and begins to teach him about love, sex and civilization.

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Secret Life of Pets is… you know

I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have to Secret Life of Pets because I found out about the Dallas shooting halfway through. However, the movie should have been engaging enough that I wasn’t idly checking my Facebook in the middle of it, so… you know. Photo courtesy Universal Pictures.

I mean… you know…

The Secret Life of Pets follows Max (Louis C.K.), a Jack Russell Terrier who is way too in love with his owner, Katie (Ellie Kemper). This becomes a huge problem when she brings home another rescue dog, Duke (Eric Stonestreet), who establishes himself as the alpha. Max tries to get Duke thrown out, and while out for a walk with an absent-minded professional walker, their fight brings them out of the dog park and they end up lost in the streets of New York City.

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