Nerve is the movie you wanted Ghostbusters to be

Lazy people are comparing this movie’s premise to Pokemon Go, but it’s much more in line with Twitch Plays Emma Roberts. Not as current or fear-mongering, but a much more interesting premise. Photos courtesy Lionsgate.

You want to watch a movie because it has ladies in it? You want to watch any movie at all?

Here you go! This is the movie for you.

Nerve follows wallflower Vee Delmonico (Emma Roberts) — Vee short for Venus, if you want to get literary. About to graduate from high school, Delmonico has made a reputation for staying in the background while her friend, Sydney (Emily Meade) takes up the spotlight. Sydney is a competitor in an illegal online game called Nerve, in which watchers vote on dares for players, and whoever can gain the most followers wins a massive cash prize. In a jealous haze, Delmonico signs up as a player. Her first dare is to kiss a stranger, and the watchers direct her to Ian (Dave Franco), another player. They are then both dared to go to the city together, and what follows is a Midsummer New York City Night’s Dream with twisted, sinister overtones.

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The Bourne Dumpster Fire

Photos courtesy Universal Pictures.

Wow. Bring a barf bag.

Jason Bourne begins with its title character, David Webb John Cena Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) scrounging a living in underground bareknuckle boxing matches in Southeastern Europe. He’s called out of hiding by his former CIA handler, Nicky Parsons (Julia Stiles), who hacked the CIA database and discovered to absolutely no one’s surprise that they’re using the same assassin training methods they used on Bourne in Treadstone under a new two-syllable code name, Ironhand. Bourne is indifferent, but when an assassin (Vincent Cassel) kills Parsons instead of him by mistake, he gets real mad and starts killing people again.

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The real-life Bourne legacy

The Bourne Identity is one of those movies that was so massively influential it gets taken for granted. On the eve of the franchise’s second attempt at rebooting, let’s look back at the movie that shifted action on its axis.

Going back to 2002, the most recent movie to revolutionize action was The Matrix, a very good movie to be sure, but full of hyper-stylized scenes like this-

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Lights Out is an instant classic in every sense of the phrase

This scene is an example of how Lights Out plays with its monster. Rebecca sleeps next to a flashing tattoo sign that periodically floods her room with soft red light. That’s the entire mechanic of this scene — it’s on a timer. Also, it’s red. Photos courtesy Warner Bros.

Lights Out is a stellar horror film that walks the line between terrifying and fun, but before that, it’s a happy ending for a genius short.

After a pulse-pounding introduction in which a shadowy woman kills Paul (Billy Burke), Lights Out follows his step daughter, Rebecca (Teresa Palmer). Several years before, Rebecca’s mother and Paul’s widow, Sophie (Maria Bello) was left by her first husband and fell into a deep depression, in which she began communing with said shadow woman, the ghost of her old friend Diana (Alicia Vela-Bailey). Diana haunted Rebecca as a child, driving her to cut ties with her mother. Paul’s death exacerbates Sophie’s condition, and Diana once again begins stalking Rebecca and her young half-brother, Martin (Gabriel Bateman). Though content to simply run away from the situation when it was happening to her, Rebecca is determined to confront her mother and Diana and save Martin from a similar destiny.

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Star Trek Beyond — OR What the Fuck is Going On: The Movie

Oh no! The Enterprise has been destroyed! Again! Photos courtesy Paramount Pictures!

In 2009, they rolled out Star Trek: The Only Reboot You Ever Wanted. In 2012, they brought us Star Trek Into Darkness: Dark Knight Knockoffs Can’t Melt Steel BeamsNow, from an entirely new writing and directing team after Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman broke up and J.J. Abrams dumped the franchise for its hotter cousin, prepare for Star Trek Beyond: What the Fuck is Going On?

Remember the first trailer that everyone hated that conveyed no information and probably left you asking, “What the fuck is going on?” Well, for the most part, the movie follows it shot for shot. You know that the movie leaves new-Jim Kirk (Chris Pine) and crew stranded on an unknown hostile planet matching wits with a rubber-faced Idris Elba, who clearly has the upper hand because he’s the villain, he’s got a rubber face on AND he’s Idris Elba, but for the most part, the movie is sure to have you asking, “What the fuck is going on?”

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