Birth of a Nation a pompous, myopic waste of film

The choice to title this film Birth of a Nation is an ironic reappropriation… or something. I actually don’t understand Parker’s thought process here. I’ve wanted to see the 1915 landmark remade to be not-racist for a long time, and this film took its title and applied it to a completely different but still racially charged story. So… yay? Image courtesy Fox Searchlight Pictures.

Birth of a Nation fails to effectively tell its story on several fundamental levels. It is an inept execution of a concept that was weak to begin with.

The Birth of a Nation is a dramatic retelling of the Nat Turner (Nate Parker, who also writes and directs) slave revolt in 1831, which lasted two days and claimed the lives of 60 white people. Turner teaches himself to read at a young age, and instead of immedaitely murdering him, his owners give him a Bible, and he grows up to deliver sermons for his fellow slaves. Instead of portraying him as a crazy person who thought God talked to him, the film has young plantation owner Samuel Turner (Armie Hammer), who grew up alongside Nat, pimping him out as a black preacher to other plantation owners who think he can calm their slaves down. Nat Turner is exposed to groups of slaves in worse and worse conditions over the course of the film, and he eventually snaps and leads a rebellion.

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Blunt shines, Girl on the Train falters

Emily Blunt is wonderful and perfect and the standout reason to see this movie. The entire cast is perfect, really, and there’s even a Lisa Kudrow sighting. Images courtesy Universal Pictures.

The Girl on the Train is good. It comes recommended. But I left it thinking about how much better it could have been.

The film follows Rachel Watson (Emily Blunt), who sketches during her daily train commute to New York City. Over the course of the first few minutes, Watson slowly reveals the truth about herself — first, that she’s become obsessed with a couple, Megan and Scott Hipwell (Haley Bennett and Luke Evans), whom she can see every day as the train passes, then that the Hipwells live three doors down from her former home, where her ex-husband and his mistress-turned-wife, Tom and Anna Watson (Justin Theroux and Rebecca Ferguson), raise their child. Finally, Rachel Watson reveals her crippling, embarrassing alcoholism.

One night while blackout drunk — she’s almost perpetually blackout drunk — Watson returns to her old neighborhood to give Anna a piece of her mind. That night, Megan Hipwell goes missing. Watson becomes a primary suspect, but also wants to help with the case.

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Did Nate Parker really rape that woman, and how much does it matter to you?

Image courtesy Fox Searchlight Pictures.

Editor’s note — this subject matter calls for some form of coping mechanism. Mine is flippancy and course language. I’m fucking serious. If you continue to read this, it’ll ruin your night. Graphic content warning.

***

The U.S. as a culture, from top to bottom, doesn’t have the first fucking clue how to handle rape.

First off, we don’t even know what rape is. On a legal level, the definition of what is or is not sexual assault varies from state to state, with some states being pretty alarmingly lax, and on a personal level, it feels like every year a new study comes out about all the incoming college students who don’t know or care what consent is. There are no end of horror stories about police shaming victims who come forward or simply not pursuing their cases. If they do, courts still have no idea how to treat the victim with dignity while still having a fair trial, which they do still need to have. And if all that goes right, the judge could still hand out a six month sentence at his discretion.

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Tim, what are you doing?

Of all the brazenly Tim Burton things about this movie, Eva Green’s meticulously sculpted hair is probably the standout. That said, she was born to play this aesthetic and it’s great to see her getting work. Like Jackson, she stands head and shoulders above her younger co-stars. Photos courtesy 20th Century Fox.

The buzz about Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children is that it falls apart in the second half, and that’s absolutely not true. It falls apart well before then.

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children is about Jake Portman (Asa Butterfield), a muggle seemingly normal boy of young adult protagonist age, who’s grandfather, Abe (Terrence Stamp), is mysteriously killed. An investigation leads Jake to Wales, where he discovers a pocket of time containing Hogwarts the titular Miss Peregrine’s, a safehouse for X-men peculiar children run by Alma LeFey Peregrine (Eva Green), a horrible time witch who traps children and dooms them to relive the same day forever and never mature to adulthood. Most of the screentime is dedicated to his awkward, poorly explained love triangle with a floating girl, Emma Bloom (Ella Purnell), and a necromancer, Enoch O’Connor (Finlay MacMillan), but Peregrine also explains that Slenderman a death cult of terrifying monsters with tentacles, elongated limbs and no face lead by Mr. Barron (Samuel L. Jackson) is out to kill everyone and eat their eyes.

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Applying Chaos Theory: Gone Girl 2

Here’s the trailer you’ve all seen for the Emily Blunt thriller The Girl on the Train.

Now, here’s the trailer for 2014’s Gone Girl- 

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