Finding Dory is fantastic, obviously

That octopus is a scene-stealer, but he’s got nothing on baby Dory. Seen in flashbacks, the young dory is the most adorable thing Pixar’s ever animated, with eyes bigger than her entire body and a squeaky voice (Sloane Murray and Lucia Geddes) to deliver the same stream-of-consciousness lines. Photo courtesy Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

Time for another Disney Pixar sequel that isn’t The Incredibles 2.

Finding Dory takes us back to the Great Barrier Reef where Dory (Ellen DeGeneres) has made her home with Marlin (Albert Brooks) and Nemo (Hayden Rolence) for a year since their adventure in Finding Nemo. Dory famously suffers from short-term memory loss, but out of nowhere, she remembers where her family is and scrambles to go to them. The problem is, they turn out to be from the Marine Life Institute of Morro Bay, Calif., all the way on the other side of the Pacific Ocean.

The length of the journey is weirdly overlooked by the film, which spends most of its time with the principle characters having gotten out of the ocean and into the Marine Life Center’s quarantine. There, Dory meets Hank (Ed O’Neill), a hard-boiled octopus sneaking around the park. Most of the movie consists of him carrying Dory around in a coffee pot full of water.

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Now You See how insipid these movies are

Really? This isn’t titled Now You Don’t? Even internationally, it’s called Now You See Me: The Second Act? Wow. Wow. Photos courtesy Summit Entertainment.

Now You See Me 2 isn’t necessarily a bad movie, it’s just a significant landmark on the road to the end of Western Civilization.

The movie picks up one year after its predecessor. The ridiculously named Four Horsemen, Danny Atlas (Jesse Eisenberg), Merritt McKinney (Woody Harrelson), Jack Wilder (Dave Franco) and new addition Lula May (Lizzy Caplan), have spent the year in hiding, but after half an hour rehashing the plot — the first movie was too forgettable for any less — they are summoned to expose a tech magnate for his evil personal information selling practices. That vaguely interesting storyline is interrupted, however, when the horsemen’s show stopping show is stopped and they are magically teleported to China where they meet the mastermind behind it all: Harry Potter Walter Mabry (Harry Potter Daniel Radcliffe).

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The Möbius strip: Conjuring soars, Warcraft disappoints domestically but smashes records in China

Photo courtesy Warner Bros.

While Hollywood’s sequel culture is under intense scrutiny, The Conjuring 2 did fantastic this weekend, opening at no. 1 with $40.4 million. Really the bigger story is Warcraft. After 10 years in Development Hell, the movie based on one of the most popular video games of all time pulled in just $24.1 million- Box Office Mojo

“We do not, however, think of evangelical moviegoers as seekers out of grisly, flesh-ripping horror and ghostly figures rising from the dead… But maybe we should, given that the most popular faith-based drama of the summer season so far is The Conjuring 2-”  Variety

They’ve made a big deal in the Conjuring movies about Ed and Lorraine Warren being real paranormal investigators and the cases being based on their exploits. The Conjuring 2 is based on the Enfield Poltergeist, which the investigated in the late ’70s. The poltergeist received national attention by coming out and saying hello to news crews covering the story. Film School Rejects compares their footage to the movie’s recreation- Film School Rejects

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Solid scares, likable cast, but Conjuring 2 is nothing new

Generically Creepy Woman in Black (Bonnie Aarons) makes her return from the Insidious series/her own eponymous Woman in Black franchise. This is probably her least scary outing, but it’s good to see she’s finally taken her vows and cleaned up her act a bit. Photos courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

Rhiannon Saegert
@missmusetta

If Insidious 4 The Conjuring 2 really is scarier than the original, it’s because by now, the people making these films have abandoned storytelling in favor of doing what they do best — decent scares.

The film begins with paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farminga) investigating the Amityville haunting. In-universe, the haunting was legitimate, and Lorraine Warren is particularly traumatized by a vision of her husband’s death and wants to call it quits for a while, but when a family in England is being terrorized by a violent ghost, they end up right in the center of another controversial haunting.

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Warcraft is one of the worst movies I have ever seen

Photos courtesy Universal Pictures.

It starts with the first scene.

On an empty desert battlefield, an armored man retrieves his fallen shield and bashes his sword against it to taunt his opponent. An orc, a green-skinned, red-eyed monster with a hammer the size of the entire human, roars back. The duo, exhausted, long after the battle has been decided, circle each other, hatred gleaming in their eyes. This is the viewers’ cue — this won’t be a movie about lore. This is going to be a movie about action, blood, carnage and terror. It’s going to be about mass battle scenes, noble sacrifices and thinly veiled allegories for addiction and racism, a desperate, hate-fueled romp across Azeroth, a barrage of brutal, hard-R action.

Then it cuts away before they meet, and you realize this movie will actually be about lore.

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