Light Between Oceans delivers on promising cast, tough to enjoy anyway

Well they got the title right. “The Light Between Oceans” is an undeniably cool string of words. Photos courtesy Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

I’ve never seen a movie that started this slow get this much slower.

Based on M.L. Stedman’s 2012 novel, The Light Between Oceans follows Tom Sherbourne (Michael Fassbender) as he returns home to Australia from World War I. Looking to get away from it all, Sherbourne takes a job as a lighthouse keeper on an isolated island off the western coast, but falls in love and marries a maiden from the mainland, Isabel (Alicia Vikander). The couple lives mostly in bliss, but after two traumatic miscarriages, Isabel has gone straight-up baby crazy. When a dingy washes up from the mainland with a dead man and an infant inside, Isabel convinces Tom to not report it and raise the child as their own. Years later, they the consequences of their decision when they learn of Hannah Roennfeldt (Rachel Weisz), the child’s biological mother who never stopped looking for her.

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Hands of Stone is an affront to history, filmmaking

Photos courtesy The Weinstein Company.

What were they thinking here? What was anyone thinking here?

Hands of Stone is a new biopic out of Cannes about legendary Panamanian boxer Roberto Durán (Édgar Ramírez, David Arosemena as a child) and his just-as-legendary trainer, Ray Arcel (Robert De Niro). The film covers his early life growing up in the slums of Panama City and the beginnings of his boxing career, through the “No más” fight against Sugar Ray Leonard (for some reason, Usher) and his comeback two years later.

Hands of Stone is one of the most poorly written and edited movies I have ever seen. It’s a cluster of approximations of scenes you’d expect to see in a typical, plain-jane boring boxing movie. This movie feels like Rocky as described by Donald Trump’s unintelligible stuttering — most of the information is there, but everything is garbled and in the wrong order. If you’re paying attention, you can get a vague sense of what the movie was trying to convey, but that carries with it the idea of how much better it could have been done.

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The Open Bar Review – Sausage Party

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Don’t Breathe is fantastic

Photo courtesy Screen Gems.

As Suicide Squad begins to run out of steam, the director of the 2013 Evil Dead reboot drops off a late-summer gem in Don’t Breathe.

The movie follows three Detroit burglars — Rocky (Jane Levy), the ringleader and her boyfriend Money (Daniel Zovatto) and lovestruck keyman Alex (Dylan Minnette). The trio struggles even outside the law, but Money learns that a blind man (Stephen Lang) in a deserted neighborhood is sitting on $300,000 in cash. They go to his house to rob him in the night, but he awakens, discovers them and kills Money. Rocky and Alex continue an intense game of cat and mouse with the blind man.

Don’t Breathe has the goods. It’s a taut, well thought-out and wonderfully executed thriller, with home invasion and claustrophobia subgenres blended seamlessly together as the burglars and home owner each ride the line between hunter and hunted.

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Ben-Hur doesn’t go big, so just stay home

Costing $100 million and relegated to a mid-August release, Ben-Hur is another in a rash of summer movies that were doomed not by viewers or even critics, but by their own studios. It joins the likes of Ghostbusters ($144 million budget) and Legend of Tarzan ($180 million), movies that should have been just fine with the money they made, but cost way too much. Photos courtesy Paramount Pictures.

Rhiannon Saegert
@missmusetta

Ben-Hur is a frustrating sit. It didn’t have to be, but the movie makes an infuriating habit of taking whatever interesting ideas it has and running them directly into the ground like an unconvincing CGI chariot.

The movie follows Judah Ben-Hur (Jack Huston), a Jerusalem nobleman, and his adopted Roman brother, Messala Severus (Toby Kebbell). Haunted by his low state and taunted by his grandfather’s role in betraying Caesar, Severus joins the legion and, three years later, returns as a hero to quell a city that has grown restless under Roman rule. When one of the Jewish radicals makes an attempt on Pontius Pilate (Pilou Asbæk), Severus is forced to scapegoat his adoptive family. The women are executed and Ben-Hur is sent to die as a galley slave. Five years after that, he escapes, and seeks vengeance on Severus the only way he can — the chariot races.

At first, the film seems to be making a genuine effort to update the story and make a true, big-budget epic that belongs in 2016. 

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