Westerns can be scary too

Images courtesy Universal Pictures.

8/10 Writer/director/producer Jordan Peele couldn’t resist releasing Nope, his follow-up to a film about doppelgangers riddled with 11:11 imagery, on a Friday the 22nd in 2022. Even his release dates are ripe with metatext.

Agua Dulce, California- OJ and Em Haywood (Daniel Kaluuya and Keke Palmer) run Haywood’s Hollywood Horses Ranch. The family, who claim to be descended from the black jockey who was the subject of the first ever moving picture and the only black-owned horse handlers in Hollywood, have fallen quickly on hard times after the death of their father, Otis Sr. (Keith David), and are selling horses to stay afloat. When they discover a flying saucer that has made a home on their ranch, they decide to team up with renowned IMAX cinematographer Antlers Holst (Michael Wincott) and local Fry’s Electronics sales tech Angel Torres (Brandon Perea) to get “the Oprah shot,” what Em posits will be indisputable proof of alien life.

Just like Get Out and Us, Nope is full of big ideas. It’s a movie about the clash between man and nature and the nature of that relationship. For all the crazy stuff that happens in Nope, what the movie thinks is even crazieris the compulsion to point a camera at it. In Nope, getting the shot is salvation and purpose. Getting the shot is what will protect the Haywoods, somehow, and it’s the driving force for their helpers, another project for a lifelong cameraman for Holst and a distraction from a mundane day job for Torres.

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Where the Crawdads slam ass

That’s some pretty healthy hair for living in the marsh. Images courtesy Sony Pictures Releasing.

6/10 Where the Crawdads Sing is the first movie to try to fill the vacuum left by the Fifty Shades movie franchise, or certainly the first theatrical release, but anyone who watched those movies can tell you that’s a hole that didn’t really need to be filled – perhaps more importantly, so could anyone who took a cursory glance at those movies’ numbers.

Barkley Cove, North Carolina, 1969- Catherine “Kya” Clark (Daisy Edgar-Jones), known as “the marsh girl,” is on trial for the murder of town quarterback Chase Andrews (Harris Dickinson), who fell to his death from a notoriously unsafe fire tower in the bog on a night when prosecutors can’t prove anyone else was there at all and when Clark personally was in Greenville 90 miles from the coast. Over the course of a prosecution that would be laughed out of any courtroom in America long, long before the trial stage, Clark flashes back to her abusive family abandoning her in the marsh, developing her ability to support herself and her relationships with Tate Walker (Taylor John Smith) and Andrews.

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‘Blazing Saddles’ remake!

Just about everybody is audibly 20 years too old for their roles, including the suddenly 34-year-old Cera. Images courtesy Nickelodeon movies.

8/10 For several years, “you couldn’t make a Mel Brooks movie today” has been a common refrain among people who think American culture has gotten too sensitive, with arguments particularly revolving around his 1974 classic Blazing Saddles, which slung racial slurs like breakfast joints sling pancakes in many of its most iconic moments. Well, Mel Brooks has made a movie today, particularly an animated Blazing Saddles remake called Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank. We get to see and know what that looks like.

In a land inspired by feudal Japan inhabited entirely by cats, a Somali lord called Ika Chu (Ricky Gervais) desperately wants to seize property in village of Kakamucho, and only one thing stands in his way: the rightful owners. After failing to scare out or drive the townsfolk off by hiring mercenaries to wreck the place, he tries a legal option, assigning a beagle scheduled for execution called Hank (Michael Cera), someone who so offends the citizens of Kakamucho that his very appearance may drive them out of town, as the town’s new samurai. Set up to fail against these prejudices, Hank trains to fulfill his role under a new sensei, Jimbo (Samuel L. Jackson).

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‘Thor: Love and Thunder’ Marvel’s most happy-go-lucky romp, but who cares anymore?

Images courtesy Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

7/10 It’s really hard to care about post-Endgame Marvel movies. The point of these things, particularly post-pandemic, seems to be that of a soft blanket, comfort food ad infinitum. Thor: Love and Thunder could be one of the series’ most enjoyable films, but as it becomes more and more clear that the series was never really about enjoyment, how much does that really matter?

After Avengers: Endgame, Thor, God of Thunder (Chris Hemsworth) has lost his enthusiasm for life drifting through the universe with the Guardians of the Galaxy. He springs back into action after learning Gorr the God Butcher (Christian Bale), who has pledged to kill all gods in revenge for their silence, is headed next to New Asgard, Norway, where Thor’s people settled after Thor: Ragnarok. Thor journeys back to Earth to discover his ex-girlfriend, Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), has restored his shattered hammer and become a rival god of thunder. Together, they journey to a super-cool black and white planet called the Shadow Realm to confront Gorr.

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Shock-jock horror makes unwelcome return in ‘The Black Phone’

We never get to learn what this guy’s deal is, and that’s just fine – he gives off a clear impression that there’s not much to him anyway, the problem is I don’t want to know any more about him. He’s not just horrible, he’s horribly boring, even with Hawke giving everything he has to the role. Images courtesy Universal Pictures.

2/10 The Black Phone is this year’s Malignant, and that is not a compliment. It is a bizarre, incoherent mashup of several other movies and archetypes it admires but can’t come close to imitating. As a macabre circus-freak of a film, it’s required viewing, but for anyone just wanting to enjoy a movie, steer well clear.

North Denver, 1978- A serial child abductor known only as “the grabber” (Ethan Hawke) roams the gloomy North Denver suburbs, and as a new school year begins with noticeably fewer classmates, police are no closer to finding him, even though his hunting grounds are limited to a single elementary school zone. Finney Blake (Mason Thames) shelters from bullies and an abusive father as the grabber diddles all his classmates in the background until at long, long last, he’s kidnapped himself and locked in the grabber’s basement. His only resource is a disconnected black phone through which the grabber’s prior victims contact him from beyond the grave. Also, Blake’s little sister, Gwen (Madeleine McGraw) has psychic powers, and the completely incompetent Denver police feel the need to enlist her help finding the grabber. Also, there is a coked-out dude named Max (James Ransone).

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