A less chaotic state: 1982’s Poltergeist

Photo courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

The original Poltergeist is kind of dull. It’s not overtly scary by today’s standards, until the end at least. However, the Steven Spielberg written, produced and possibly directed film has a strong family focus. Where a lot of recent horror movies had been about a group of shitty teenagers in an obviously haunted house, Poltergeist moved to an average suburban home and plagued a splintering but otherwise normal family.

The Freelings, father Steven (Craig T. Nelson), mother Diane (JoBeth Williams), teenage daughter Dana (Dominique Dunne) and elementary-aged son Robbie (Oliver Robins) and daughter Carol Anne (Heather O’Rourke) live quietly in the first homes in the suburb Steven helped build. They don’t talk or listen to each other, and the early scenes go out of their way to show the family’s disconnect and general careless attitude toward each other. All that changes when Carol Anne literally vanishes into the TV. The Freelings begin to live in fear as they must share their home with an infestation of paranormal beings, and call in all manner of investigators to cleanse the house and return their daughter to the plane of the living.

It was scary because it attacked viewers at home, where they hadn’t been before, raising questions about who your children are really listening to on TV and whether or not you’re really safe in your own home and legitimizing the idea that there really is a monster in your closet and/or under the bed.  It became one of the most widely recognized scary movies of all time, even though it’s not that scary.

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Maggie unique, too slow

One thing the film does do well is it lays the body horror on thick. In one scene, Maggie must dig giant maggots out of her bite wound. Photo courtesy Roadside Attractions.

Maggie has a refreshing enough premise to carry the movie regardless, but it is a slow and disappointing movie.

In a world recovering from a zombie apocalypse, Maggie Vogel (Abigail Breslin) has been bitten and goes to the city to die alone. Her father, Wade (Arnold Schwarzenegger), retrieves her from the hospital in order to spend as much remaining time with her as possible — the virus has a six-to-eight week incubation period in this film. But this is a wold riddled with zombies kept by their families too long as much as it is by the initial apocalypse, and Wade Vogel faces a choice he is never prepared to make — throw his daughter into a reportedly barbarous quarantine or kill her before she turns, an event he can’t precisely track.

Maggie’s strength is its deconstructive premise. There are plenty of zombie movies in which the enemy is a seething mass of comfortably irredeemable corpses, but in this one, they’re Wade Vogel’s next door neighbors. They’re his daughter, on an infection timeline such that he can’t be sure whether she’s more person or more ghoul at any given point.

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Madding crowd here referring to those Marvel maniacs this released against

This movie could just as well be about how stupid sheep are. Photos courtesy Fox Searchlight Pictures.

Far from the Madding Crowd is one of those movies that makes me uncomfortable being born a man. I just want them to stop hitting on her. It’s a “Leave Bathsheba alone! Leave her alone!” type situation.

The movie follows Bathsheba Everdene (the scintillating Carey Mulligan) as she is proposed to by every man that lays eyes on her. She first meets Gabriel Oak (Matthias Schoenaerts), an affluent shepherd. While Everdene worked for him when he first proposed, he works for her most of the movie after she inherits a farm from her uncle and he loses his flock to an inexperienced sheep dog who, in a distressing scene, drives the whole lot over a cliff. She is then proposed to by her neighbor, William Boldwood (Michael Sheen), who becomes obsessed with her after getting a cheeky Valentine’s card. Finally, while making the rounds on her farm, she locks eyes with the wandering Sergeant Frank Troy (Tom Sturridge), and a slow look of “oh shit” crawls over her face as she realizes yet another suitor has latched onto her.

Far from the Madding Crowd is a remarkably calm movie. Even in scenes with a literal fire or where an entire flock of sheep kills themselves, the camera stays still, and the only music is period-setting violins. It’s an unexpressive film. The point seems to be to create that late 1800s English countryside atmosphere the book was about, and it’s nice, but it’s much easier to do with a movie than with a book and movies are capable of much more in general.

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A cappella is the worst

Despite a cappella being a blight — a pestilence! — upon mankind, there’s a lot to enjoy about the Pitch Perfect movies between dance numbers. Announcers John and Gail (John Micheal Higgins and Elizabeth Banks) are the best in so many ways. Photos courtesy Universal Pictures.

Any time “regionals” is a key word in a story’s plot, that’s a bad sign.

It’s what sunk the first montage-tastic Pitch Perfect, and even though they replace it with “worlds,” the same mechanic applies in the sequel. Due to a wardrobe malfunction in the first scene, Beca Mitchell (Anna Kendrick) and the gang are disqualified from regionals, and nationals for that matter, as the a cappella competition board suspends them from all activity. However, as the reigning national champions, they cannot be suspended from worlds. The board agrees to reinstate them if they win the competition, which no American group has ever won.

On the side, Mitchell interns at a record producing company under an oddly unnamed boss (Keegan-Michael Key), Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) and Bumper Allen (Adam DeVine) do it on the down low*, and the Bellas adjust to their one new member, Emily Junk-Hardon (Hailee Steinfeld).

The first thing that sticks out is the movie’s subplots — they are many and they are frail. The conflicts are almost all internal struggles to do things viewers know the characters can do — be creative, learn to love and sing good. They’re dull and boring and they clog the plot.

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Fury Road may be the best action movie ever made

I’ve always thought Tom Hardy was overrated, and I still do, but he shows off why people get excited about him here with a snarling, desperate performance stepping into the shoes of action legend Mel Gibson. Photos courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

People are calling Mad Max: Fury Road the best action movie of the year, and that’s a little short-sighted. We probably ought to be thinking about it as the best action movie of the decade, or century so far.

This sounds like hyperbole, but it isn’t. Watch it, then think about anything that’s come out in the past 20-30 years and ask yourself if it compares to this. The answer has to be no.

The movie follows Max Rockatansky (Tom Hardy), a wanderer of the post-apocalyptic desert. In the film’s first scene, he’s captured by warboys, raiding servants of local warlord Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne) to be harvested for blood for dying raiders, specifically Nux (Nicholas Hoult). Joe’s general, Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron), leaves soon after to trade with other local settlements for gas and bullets, but she betrays Joe, stowing away five of his sex slaves and making a break for the green place she herself was taken from as a child. Nux and the rest of the raiders who were left behind ride out to take her back with Rockatansky still attached, thrusting him into the conflict.

Saying the action in this movie is like nothing ever filmed before is a bit of an understatement. The film features three 10-minute long keynote chase scenes and one high-octane three way fistfight between Rockatansky, Furiosa and Nux. It’s got all the signatures that have made the original Mad Max movies last — that fast-forwarded, scurrying feel, the plot-driven scarcity of bullets and explosions forcing characters to do things the old-fashioned way, the terrifying, endless car chases.

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