‘Shaft’ tries to go anti-millennial, goes anti-gay instead

This is another Batman Begins-style “arrive at the beginning at the end” narrative, and, God I’m just so tired of it. Images courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

2/10 Several years ago, there was a major social media hubbub over the idea of Donald Glover playing Spiderman. A counterargument that rose above the initial din was to equate that to casting Michael Cera as Shaft.

Now it’s 2019. The furor inspired a new black Spiderman, Miles Morales, who now has his own highly successful movie, and the new Shaft also seems to be inspired by the idea of a Michael Cera-type playing the character.

In 1989, Maya Babanikos (Regina Hall) takes her infant son, John “JJ” Shaft III out of Harlem after being in the car during a messy assassination attempt on the father. Twenty-five years later, Shaft (Jessie Usher) is back in New York City working his new job as an FBI analyst. When he needs the help of a private detective to solve a crime he can’t pursue with the bureau, he goes straight to his father, a bad mother – shut your mouth! – the legendary Det. John Shaft II (Samuel L. Jackson).

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The crippling ennui of ‘Men in Black: International’

They’re so pretty! Images courtesy Sony Pictures Releasing.

1/10 In 2016, Sony rebooted Ghostbusters, a beloved comedy franchise that’s actually just one good movie and a bunch of other media that everyone forgot about. It lost $70 million.

Now it’s three years later, and Sony has rebooted Men in Black, a beloved comedy franchise that’s actually just one good movie and a bunch of other media that everyone forgot about. The break-even point is $300 million worldwide, and it’s probably not going to get there.

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‘Dark Phoenix’ has its merits, but falls apart as you’re watching it

Look how pretty! Images courtesy — oh, god damn it! Walt Disney Motion Picture Studios.

3/10 X-Men: The Last Stand was a doomed production. Franchise director Bryan Singer and two of X2’s writers had jumped ship to make Superman Returns, which had its own problems, and 20th Century Fox producers set a May 26, 2006 release date and refused to move off of it despite an inability to find a new director. After being publicly turned down over a period of several months by four different directors, including Matthew Vaughn who explicitly said he quit the job because he didn’t want to rush to meet Fox’s deadlines, Fox settled on their eighth choice in Bret Ratner, who finally began production in August 2005. The Last Stand released on schedule, which is the best thing that can be said for it.

X-Men: The Last Stand is one of the first film credits for co-writer Simon Kinberg, who has since made a powerful name for himself as a writer and producer of several high-performing movies, but has always remained involved in the X-Men franchise. Kinberg considered it a personal failure to have written an adulterated, studio-mangled adaptation of the Phoenix story, and revisiting it was unfinished business for him. This time, he would be in the driver’s seat – Singer, who had returned to the franchise, was stepping away again as his personal problems began to affect his work, and star Jennifer Lawrence demanded that Kinberg direct the next X-Men film.

But 13 years later, Dark Phoenix was also a doomed production.

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Micro-budget thriller ‘Ma’ razor-sharp

Spencer’s performance defines Ma, oscillating from genuinely maternal to unhinged, sometimes within the same shot, without it feeling like a shift. Images courtesy Universal Pictures.

8/10 I came into Ma wondering how they drew in talent like Octavia Spencer, Luke Evans and Juliette Lewis for this $5 million goof. I stayed for a spectacular, nasty horror movie.

After losing her job in the city, Erica Thompson (Lewis) moves back to rural Ohio with her teenage daughter, Maggie (Diana Silvers). Maggie and her new friends, including her crush Andy Hawkins (Corey Fogelmanis), looking for an adult to buy them booze, come across Sue Ann Ellington (Spencer), who not only supplies them with drink, but also brings them to her basement for a place to party away from prying eyes.  Owning what quickly becomes a hub for underage drinking, Ellington, nicknamed “Ma,” hatches her revenge on Erica Thompson and Andy’s father, Ben Hawkins (Evans).

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‘Rocketman’ can’t break through

Images courtesy Paramount Pictures.

3/10 Hollywood biopics have grown more and more uniform as they’ve grown more lucrative over the years. That goes doubly for musician biopics, all of which seem to follow the same plot regardless of who they’re about and none of which seem to incorporate the artist’s music in any meaningful way.

Rocketman took off to fix all that. They weren’t going to take the work of Elton John and just play it over the same boring “Spinal Tap, but serious” rockstar movie you’ve seen a dozen times, they were going to make it big and real, incorporating it into a uniquely cinematic genre where they had room to make it as imaginative and flamboyant as John himself.

And yeah, Rocketman delivers on all that, I guess. It does. Technically, it does. It’s just not very good.

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