‘Child’s Play’ a solid update

Despite a small role and this being a small part of the movie, much of Child’s Play’s iconography revolves around this scene of Plaza held captive. Images courtesy United Artists Releasing.

7/10 Child’s Play is everything you want out of a remake and a grossly satisfying slasher.

In a Vietnam sweatshop for the Kaslan Buddi, an artificially intelligent doll that can coordinate all of your Kaslan products on command, an employee disables one doll’s safety protocols in retaliation for being fired before jumping out of a window to his death. Later in Chicago, impoverished single mother Karen Barclay (Aubrey Plaza) keeps the defective doll after it is returned to the department store where she works as a gift for her son, Andy (Gabriel Bateman). The doll names himself Chucky (Mark Hamill) and, for a time, cures Andy of his post-move loneliness. But after seeing how much joy is brought to Andy by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and how much pain by his mother’s suitors, Chucky begins a gory and gleeful homicidal rampage.

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‘Toy Story’ came out when I was 3 years old and the world is a very strange place

Images courtesy Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

8/10 Toy Story 4 was

Man, I don’t fucking know anymore. What do people want from movies these days?

We’re obviously living in the Golden Age of Television, and there’s a lot of uncertainty right now over the future of movies as a storytelling medium and what role theaters will serve.

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‘Shaft’ tries to go anti-millennial, goes anti-gay instead

This is another Batman Begins-style “arrive at the beginning at the end” narrative, and, God I’m just so tired of it. Images courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

2/10 Several years ago, there was a major social media hubbub over the idea of Donald Glover playing Spiderman. A counterargument that rose above the initial din was to equate that to casting Michael Cera as Shaft.

Now it’s 2019. The furor inspired a new black Spiderman, Miles Morales, who now has his own highly successful movie, and the new Shaft also seems to be inspired by the idea of a Michael Cera-type playing the character.

In 1989, Maya Babanikos (Regina Hall) takes her infant son, John “JJ” Shaft III out of Harlem after being in the car during a messy assassination attempt on the father. Twenty-five years later, Shaft (Jessie Usher) is back in New York City working his new job as an FBI analyst. When he needs the help of a private detective to solve a crime he can’t pursue with the bureau, he goes straight to his father, a bad mother – shut your mouth! – the legendary Det. John Shaft II (Samuel L. Jackson).

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The crippling ennui of ‘Men in Black: International’

They’re so pretty! Images courtesy Sony Pictures Releasing.

1/10 In 2016, Sony rebooted Ghostbusters, a beloved comedy franchise that’s actually just one good movie and a bunch of other media that everyone forgot about. It lost $70 million.

Now it’s three years later, and Sony has rebooted Men in Black, a beloved comedy franchise that’s actually just one good movie and a bunch of other media that everyone forgot about. The break-even point is $300 million worldwide, and it’s probably not going to get there.

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‘Dark Phoenix’ has its merits, but falls apart as you’re watching it

Look how pretty! Images courtesy — oh, god damn it! Walt Disney Motion Picture Studios.

3/10 X-Men: The Last Stand was a doomed production. Franchise director Bryan Singer and two of X2’s writers had jumped ship to make Superman Returns, which had its own problems, and 20th Century Fox producers set a May 26, 2006 release date and refused to move off of it despite an inability to find a new director. After being publicly turned down over a period of several months by four different directors, including Matthew Vaughn who explicitly said he quit the job because he didn’t want to rush to meet Fox’s deadlines, Fox settled on their eighth choice in Bret Ratner, who finally began production in August 2005. The Last Stand released on schedule, which is the best thing that can be said for it.

X-Men: The Last Stand is one of the first film credits for co-writer Simon Kinberg, who has since made a powerful name for himself as a writer and producer of several high-performing movies, but has always remained involved in the X-Men franchise. Kinberg considered it a personal failure to have written an adulterated, studio-mangled adaptation of the Phoenix story, and revisiting it was unfinished business for him. This time, he would be in the driver’s seat – Singer, who had returned to the franchise, was stepping away again as his personal problems began to affect his work, and star Jennifer Lawrence demanded that Kinberg direct the next X-Men film.

But 13 years later, Dark Phoenix was also a doomed production.

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