‘Hellboy’ is drunk, but tries valiantly to not go home

Posted on April 19, 2019 by reelentropy

I really don’t understand why they went with the “grow horns out and end the world” scenario again. Your core audience here, the only people who are going to show up for this, remember a much better version of this plot point in the 2004 adaptation. Images courtesy Lionsgate.

2/10 Hellboy isnt’ just terrible. It’s stylishly terrible.

In Tijuana, Hellboi (David Harbour), a half-demon known as the world’s greatest paranormal investigator, is forced to kill Esteban Ruiz (Mario de la Rosa), a colleague and drinking buddy who had been turned into a vampire. Hellboi is troubled at the ease with which Ruiz was written off once he became a monster. He carries this with him into his next mission in England, where the blood queen Nimue (Milla Jovovich), a fifth century witch who was dismembered by King Arthur, threatens to cover the land in a second plague.

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‘Pet Sematary’ bland

Posted on April 15, 2019 by reelentropy

Images courtesy Paramount Pictures.

3/10 As the credits begin to roll for Pet Sematary, what sounds like the opening riff of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” begins to play, and for a moment, I love it.

It’s a bold choice. Movies have mostly moved away from traditional end credits songs, instead opting for overtures based on the original score, so going with a song here would already be an out-of-fashion choice. But to go with not just a song, but a famous song, a soft, light-hearted song that at once clashes with the bleak film and echoes its message – literally, “Don’t Fear the Reaper” – something so perfect, so on-the-nose and so ironic at the same time, it’s a spectacularly cheeky thing.

Then I realize it’s a cover of The Ramones’ “Pet Sematary,” a song written specifically for the 1989 adaptation and re-made specifically for this 2019 version, and my excitement abates. But more importantly, I suddenly realize that quickly-dashed excitement for a song that doesn’t even end up playing is the first emotion I’ve felt during the entire 101 minute film.

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DC’s gleeful ‘Shazam!’ is the best Marvel movie in years

Posted on April 15, 2019 by reelentropy

Images courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

8/10 Less than a month after the hotly anticipated Captain Marvel flew onto screens, Warner Bros. and DC have released a significantly better Captain Marvel movie in Shazam!

In 1974, a young Thaddeus Sivana (Mark Strong, Ethan Pugiotto as a child) is transported to the Rock of Eternity, where Shazam (Djimon Hounsou), the last of an ancient circle of wizards who protect humanity from the Seven Deadly Sins, searches for a successor who is pure of heart to carry on his watch. Sivana is tempted by the sins and cast out of Shazam’s magical realm. Years later, in present-day Philadelphia, Sivana finally finds the incantation to force his way back into the Rock of Eternity. He absorbs the sins’ power and leaves the decrepit wizard for dead.

Having searched for years for a worthy successor and finding none, and with the world now at immediate risk, Shazam is forced to pass his powers on to the next child he sees – rough-around-the-edges foster kid Billy Batson (Asher Angel). When Batson says the wizard’s name, he is struck by lightning and becomes Captain Marvel a nameless superhero who can’t say the title of his property out loud without turning back into a child (Zachary Levi). It’s all fun and games for the next hour or so until Sivana seeks out the young hero.

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Fucking seriously?

Posted on April 12, 2019 by reelentropy

 

The Rise of Skywalker? What?

I’m trying to imagine a more lame title. Titles have never been Star Wars’ strong suit – it’s 20 years later, and I still don’t know who the phantom menace was supposed to be, but at least it was cool to say.

Disney Star Wars has always been stingy with its trailers, but this is getting to the point of self-satire. This is a 123 second trailer, and 15 seconds of that are spent on a completely blank screen. Another 15 seconds are spent on an eternal shot of a completely empty desert landscape.

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Tim Burton’s ‘Dumbo’ nobody’s baby

Posted on April 6, 2019 by reelentropy

Images courtesy Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

3/10 When a movie is advertised as “from the imagination of Tim Burton,” you tend to go into it expecting a real blue-blooded Tim Burton passion project, one that he really took ownership of and fought hard to get the property rights and push past the finish line.

But that’s not Dumbo. Walking out of the movie, it’s difficult to figure out who was ever passionate about this project.

In 1919, circus horseman Holt Farrier (Colin Farrell) returns from World War I one arm the lesser to find his old troupe in shambles, his wife months-dead of influenza and his two children rudderless. Ringmaster Max Medici (Danny DeVito) hires Farrier back to take care of the circus’ new pregnant elephant, who soon gives birth to Baby Dumbo (Edd Osmond in the motion capture suit). Dumbo is immediately noticed for his ears, which dwarf the rest of his body. Farrier’s daughter, Milly (Nico Parker), soon discovers that he can use these ears as wings and fly.

The flying baby attracts attention from entertainment entrepreneur V.A. Vandevere (Michael Keaton), who buys out the circus and whisks off all the important characters to Dreamland, where they perform with trapeze artist Colette Marchant (Eva Green).

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