‘Army of the Dead’ is here to remind you that Zack Snyder used to be a respected filmmaker

Zombie tiger! Images courtesy Netflix.

7/10 In Zack Snyder’s Justice League, Snyder’s name famously appears before even the Warner Bros. logos. In the electric opening credits sequence for Army of the Dead – a depiction of the city falling to a zombie plague and being walled off set to “Viva Las Vegas,” regrettably the only time the movie actually makes use of its location and by far the best part of a quite decent film – writer/cinematographer/director/producer Zack Snyder’s name appears a whopping six times.

In Zack Snyder’s Army of the Dead, a military convoy traveling from Area 51 is sucked into a head-on collision by some newlyweds giving each other road head on the way to Las Vegas. This frees their cargo, a single zombie, who unleashes a plague on the nearby city, which must be walled off to contain the horde. Years later, with 96 hours left before the government nukes the problem away, casino owner Bly Tanaka (Hiroyuki Sanada) recruits Scott Ward (Dave Bautista) to recover $200 million in cash still stashed in his vault beneath the Strip.

Continue reading
Posted in Entropy | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

‘New Order’ is a bullshit snuff film, what the fuck is going on at Venice

Image courtesy Videocine.

1/10 New Order came out of the quiet 2020 film festival circuit heavily decorated with the Grand Jury Prize from the Venice International Film Festival and rapturous marketing that was, if anything, more than proportionate.

If only I’d done a bit of research before walking in.

Mexico City- As a seething mass of poor protestors overtakes the city, blocking infrastructure, murdering and marauding along the way, a rich family holds its wedding as planned, deliberately and forcefully unaware of the chaos until it is upon them. The Mexican army uses the riot as cover to establish a military dictatorship which is worse than the rioters in every way, with the corrupt military kidnapping, raping and murdering at will.

Continue reading
Posted in Entropy | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

‘Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard’ is a 100-minute blast of chaotic evil energy

After a bit part in the prior film where her fame and sudden appearance was as big a part of her performance as the actual performance, Hayek is right in the middle of Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, often literally. Images courtesy Lionsgate.

8/10 Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is a riot. It’s a trashy, meat-and-potatoes genre piece that’s light on the meat, but it’s got an avalanche of potatoes, and that’s just fine.  

The Italian Riviera- Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds), suffering post-traumatic nightmares after the previous film, takes sabbatical away from guns and all manner of violence while he waits for his bodyguarding license to be renewed. Sonia Kincaid (Salma Hayek), also on the riviera for her honeymoon, pulls Bryce out of his peace to help rescue her husband, Bryce’s archnemesis Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson). After a successful rescue, all three of them are blackbagged and blackmailed into working for Interpol in lieu of the critical mole they just killed to stop a plot to demolish the European power grid. They’ll intersect with this plot in a few different ways, but the Kincaids are mostly interested in returning to their honeymoon with Interpol’s money.

Continue reading
Posted in Entropy | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

‘In the Heights’ flat in every possible sense of the word

Images courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

2/10 In the Heights is borderline unwatchable. Everything is bad. Alice Brooks’ cinematography is downright incompetent, and every decision by editor Myron Kerstein is questionable at best and obviously wrong at worst. Jon M. Chu is a weak director, befitting a project that seems to have been someone else’s afterthought from the first day of production to release. To make matters worse, writer/producer Quiara Alegría Huedes, who co-wrote the original musical with producer/actor Lin-Manuel Miranda, has made some baffling decisions in adaptation that beg serious questions about how well she understands her own work.

Washington Heights, Manhattan, summer- Usnavi de la Vega (Anthony Ramos) runs a corner bodega as the summer reaches its peak. He dreams both of getting back to his native Dominican Republic and of Vanessa Morales (Melissa Barrera), a salon worker who herself dreams of getting out to Lower Manhattan and opening her own business. Meanwhile, Nina Rosario (Leslie Grace) has returned from Stanford University, and struggles to tell her father Kevin (Jimmy Smits) that she doesn’t want to go back. Benny (Corey Hawkins), Kevin Rosario’s employee and Nina’s boyfriend before she went to Stanford, rekindles their romance. The story is told by de la Vega to his children at least a decade in hindsight from his father’s idyllic coastal bar El Suanito back in the Caribbean.

In the Heights is clearly not worthy of the show it was based on. There are constant, basic film language problems that call less for a review and more of a scene-by-scene breakdown of all its failures.

Continue reading
Posted in Entropy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

‘The Conjuring’ and that long-fabled franchise fatigue

I’m the cop in the back just wondering how far they’re going to push this weird charades act. Images courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

3/10 The Satanic panic never really ended. The surge of news about “Satanism” that started as a religious offshoot of the rebellious ‘60s and consumed the suburbs of Reagan’s America with fears of pedophiles and kidnapped children being used for human sacrifice buried itself deep in the American psyche and has been catnip for related media ever since. The fact that it was the Catholics you had to watch out for all along remains painfully ironic, both because of how obviously it is preists’ real crimes that are projected onto “Satanists” and because of how Satanic panic media is constantly sending up Catholic mysticism.

Two of the biggest perpetrators and profiteers of this panic were known frauds Ed and Lorraine Warren, who traveled across New England in the ‘70s and ‘80s summoning media frenzies to everything they could get within shouting distance of that went bump in the night and then hawking books and lectures about demonology – Ed, apparently with a straight face, claimed to be a “self-taught demonologist.” Despite all of their most famous hoaxes being disclaimed by witnesses and collaborators alike, they and their higher-profile incidents have remained prominent in American culture, waxing and waning with the general fear of Satan. Recently, that’s come in the form of The Conjuring film series, a collection of terrible, boring haunted house movies based extremely loosely on the Warrens’ “case files,” which I strongly doubt are things that they kept.

Continue reading
Posted in Entropy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment