The title is referring to the game of imitating other movies that have won Oscars because that’s what this whole exercise was really about

They do a thing where the computer, which is of course 100 percent Turing’s project, is named after his first love, Christopher. In reality, it was called Bombe. Photos courtesy The Weinstein Company.

The Imitation Game is disheartening. It is a movie to be angry about and disappointed in, but also one which should never have been expected to be any better.

The movie is a biography of the sexy, new interpretation of Sherlock Holmes Alan Turing (Benedict Cumberbatch), hailed as the father of computer science. Turing, with the assistance and backing of the British military and mathematician Gordon Welchman with no help or encouragement, develops the world’s first computer to break Germany’s communication cipher at the height of World War II. Afterward, much higher levels of government Turing all on his own decides how many pieces of information to act on — the Coventry conundrum Turing Sherlock talked about in that one episode — because Turing is smart and special and talented and everyone else is just dumb. Later, Turing is persecuted for being gay, because you win Oscars for playing Gay People that Die.

This movie is an insult. Not just to Turing, not just to the British military, but to everyone who sees it. Every aspect of the story is dramatized into terms beyond black and white, beyond any need or even opportunity for the audience to participate in the film.

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The Woman in Black re-released

The Woman in Black’s strange re-release is… wait, was that supposed to be a different movie?

The movie puts Phoebe Fox through pretty much the same exact ringer Daniel Radcliffe went through in the first movie. No, really. Nothing changed. Photo courtesy Relativity Media.

According to the synopsis, this is actually The Woman in Black 2: The Angel of Death, set 40 whole years after the first one. In the height of World War II — oh, so that’s what all the airplanes were. It says here that several war orphans are transferred to the abandoned, haunted house of a woman who according to widely believed legend likes to make children kill themselves. Predictably, child suicide shenanigans ensue.

If… did I watch the right movie? I’d swear I just saw the first movie.

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The most important movies of 2014

Annual top 10 lists are stupid and easy and boring and no one likes them. On this blog, we try to track the path of movies over time, so instead of blindly stating what we liked and disliked about 2014 movies, we’re going to dig a little deeper and examine 10 movies that are important to the future of the art form and what their impact might be.

1) Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

“The producers of Paranormal Activity” have ruled horror for seven years now, for better or worse. Insidious, Sinister, Dark Skies and Oculus have all born the moniker as their primary selling point, none matching the quality of their namesake — until Oculus, which also came out this year.

Most of these movies don’t make huge splashes. Oculus grossed $44 million. Sinister took in $77.7 million and Dark Skies took in only $26.4 million. But the endless stream of Paranormal Activity and Insidious movies, sixth and third installments of which are due this year, continue to constantly break $150 million without any trouble.

Until The Marked Ones, that is. The fifth movie in the series, dumped unceremoniously on the first weekend in January, became the first Paranormal Activity movie not to break $100 million, clocking out with a lifetime gross of $90.9 million. It’s difficult to say this is any kind of a blow — the real innovation in these movies are how cheap they are to make. Even this throw-away represents a 1,718 percent return-on-investment. But these same people have been making the same scary movie for almost a decade now, and any potential for the genre opening to new ideas again is significant.

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Depression, addiction rampage through new crime drama

The Gambler is an incredible, emotionally transformative experience… for me, personally. It is difficult to say how anyone else will react.

“I want a real fucking love and a real fucking home and a real fucking thing to do every day, and if I can’t have that I’d just, I’d just rather be dead.” Photos courtesy Paramount Pictures.

The title character, Jim Bennett (Mark Wahlberg), is entropy incarnate. He enters the film already several thousand dollars in debt to Lee (Alvin Ing), who has been sponsoring his nasty gambling habit. Bennett is a lean, mean bad decision machine, going down another $60,000 and adding another dangerous collector, Neville Baraka (Michael Kenneth Williams), in the film’s opening sequence after Lee had given him a seven day ultimatum to settle. A failed novelist turned college literature teacher, Bennett also fosters inappropriate relationships with several of his students.

The Gambler is the most cathartic portrayal of depression I’ve ever seen. Bennett isn’t addicted to anything — he’s severely depressed, cutting himself with blackjack cards instead of a razor. His defining characteristic is his refusal to live a life he’s unhappy with. He hates teaching, he resents his family and he’s actively trying to bring himself to ruin.

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Unbroken spoiled by trailers, poor acting

47 days at sea — with a skilled barber, apparently. Look at those smooth cheeks. Photos courtesy Universal Pictures.

When real life is more interesting than its fictional adaptation, that fiction has a big problem.

Unbroken tells the least interesting parts of the very interesting true story of Louie Zamperini (Jack O’Connell), an Olympic distance runner who joined the Army Air Force in World War II. Zamperini crashes and is stranded at sea for 47 days and four million hours of hilariously over-acted screen time, and is then captured an imprisoned by the Japanese, a culture not known for its kind treatment of enemy combatants. Mutsuhiro “The Bird” Watanabe (Miyavi), an especially cruel prison camp commander, takes special interest in Zamperini.

Everything about this movie is boring and flat and grey and, just, boring. The conflict in this movie is muted. From the plane crash onward, Zamperini has very few choices to make, and with few options comes little drama. Trailers spoil everything all the way to the climactic sequence, but even without them, there’s never any real danger to Zamperini’s various situations.

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