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Kylo Ren is so fucking cool. In his first scene, he stops a laser blast in mid-air, paralyzing the man who fired it in the same motion, and holds the streaking projectile trembling in place for the rest of the sequence. It could be the single coolest effect in the entire series. Photos courtesy Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens!!! Oh man, this movie is going to be so great! There’s no way they could mess this up!

The movie is set in motion when Rey (Daisy Ridley) and Finn (John Boyega) set off to escort the impossible droid BB-8 to … gyaaah, I can’t spoil it!

This is the most anticipated movie of the internet era by an absolutely staggering margin. Every movie since the turn of the century, every movie Fandango.com has been around for, this moved more tickets online before its first commercial showing than any of them did their entire runs. They got the guy who directed that great 2009 Star Trek reboot to direct this, they used 100 percent practical effects, nothing can possibly go wrong here.

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Stop what you’re doing and go see Macbeth

Macbeth is abetted by a great cast, headed by the absolute perfect actors for the lead characters. If you could have picked any performers in the world to play Macbeth and Lady Macbeth, Fassbender and Cotillard would have to be head-and-shoulders at the top of the list. Photos courtesy The Weinstein Company.

One would think the movie set primarily on Mars would be the reddest film of the year. Not so.

You know the story. Macbeth (Michael Fassbender), Thane of Glamis, after winning a great victory against the rebellious Macdonwald (Hilton McRae), is greeted by the fates (Seylan Baxter, Lynn Kennedy, Kayla Fallon and Amber Rissmann). They hail him as Thane of Cawdor and then as King of Scotland, but say it will be his brother-in-arms, Banquo (Paddy Considine), who will father a long line of kings. Though initially skeptical, Macbeth is promptly awarded lordship over Cawdor for his valor. When his wife, Lady Macbeth (Marion Cotillard), hears the news, she convinces him to murder King Duncan (David Thewlis). From here, Macbeth and Lady Macbeth assume the throne, but are driven mad by guilt and paranoia, having half their kingdom assassinated by the time they are violently deposed themselves.

Shakespeare is taught to every high school child in America, but they teach it all wrong. Shakespeare didn’t write novels, he wrote plays. The Tragedy of Macbeth isn’t meant to be read, it’s meant to be performed.

And oh, how it is performed here.

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Have you ever seen the void in a man’s eyes?

When’s the last time Adam Sandler smiled in a movie? Not the last time he made you, the viewer, smile — that must be decades ago by now — when’s the last time he smiled?

The now-famous walkout by four of the film’s American Indian extras, of which there were more than 100, was overblown but fully justified. However, the extras represent the group the movie is possibly the least offensive toward. Crews’ character tearfully confesses that he is half-black in one scene, and Schneider is in full Mexican-face. Also, the baseball scene has several Chinese extras for no apparent reason. It’s the least complicated and least justifiable form of racism, simply pointing at someone who isn’t white and laughing. Photos courtesy Netflix.

He looked lethargic and bored in July’s Pixels, and he looks half-dead in Netflix release The Ridiculous 6. The movie follows White Knife (Sandler, who also co-writes and co-produces), a white man raised by American Indians in the West after his mother was gunned down in front of him when he was a child. His father, Frank Stockburn (Nick Nolte), who had abandoned the family before his birth, suddenly appears, saying he is dying of tuberculosis and wants to connect with his lost son. After telling White Knife about the $50,000 he has buried in the area, he is just as suddenly abducted by his former gang, whom he promises that same stash to but leads far away, intending to die to save his son. Unable to find the real stash, White Knife resolves to steal $50,000 to save his father. Along the way, he encounters five strangers (Rob Schneider, Taylor Lautner, Jorge Garcia, Luke Wilson and Terry Crews), who all turn out to be his half-brothers.

The Ridiculous 6 isn’t a B movie. It isn’t a C or D or Z movie — it doesn’t exist on that spectrum. Bad movies, historically, have always been some of the most enjoyable for their silliness. The Ridiculous 6 is unenjoyable. The movie actively seeks sweet spots between good and bad enough to laugh at where it needs to, but mostly avoids even the risk of a slightly redeeming — or even particularly memorable — factor with its plot structure and joke choices. It is deliberately — and brilliantly — crafted against enjoyment. This is less a movie and more a plea for help from Sandler, who clearly wants his career to end but doesn’t have the nerve to do it himself.

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The Möbius strip: Big movies hover around $10 million each as the film world holds its breath

Movies raked in a total of $77.4 million this weekend, the year’s second lowest total only to traditionally glacial Halloween weekend. It’ll probably bounce back next weekend. But for now, almost every major moneymaker simply hovered around a sad $10 million. Part two of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay took its fourth weekend with $11.4 million, becoming the most disappointing movie ever to hold no. 1 for four straight weeks. New release and chronic underachiever In the Heart of the Sea brought in $11.1 million. The Ron Howard film has suffered from poor decision making from distributors and a general inability to create enthusiasm. The Good Dinosaur, Creed and Krampus round out the top five with $10.3 million, $10.1 million and $8.4 million, respectively- Box Office Mojo

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Why not just remake Moby Dick?

“…Or do the stories only exist to make us respect the sea’s dark secrets?” Photos courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

In the Heart of the Sea tells the story of the Essex, a whaling ship that was sunk in 1820, leaving eight survivors. And hey! Did you know? The story partially inspired Moby Dick!

The movie follows Owen Chase (Chris Hemsworth), first mate to George Pollard, Jr. (Benjamin Walker) aboard the Essex. Pollard received his station because of his family ties in Nantucket, a fact which becomes a source of tension between him and Chase, who was promised his own captaincy but instead is asked to babysit Pollard. After some risky sailing in an attempt to be rid of each other faster, Pollard and Chase come upon a field of sperm whales thousands of miles off the coast of South America, but are sunk by a monsterous specimen, scarred by several encounters with whalers, which displays keen insight in attacking their ship. Marooned, they must drift in the longboats back home from the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Also! Thirty years later, innkeeper Thomas Nickerson (Brendan Gleeson, Tom Holland in his scenes as a teenager), a survivor of the Essex, is visited by Herman Melville (Ben Whishaw), the very same now-famous author who penned American classic Moby Dick! Because, if you didn’t know, that book is partially based on the tale of the Essex. 

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