Reel Entropy

How did they know he’d grow up to look so much like Ethan Hawke? Witchcraft! Photos courtesy IFC Films.

As good as it is, Boyhood’s main characteristic is that it’s really, really long.

A unique and commendable production, the film as shot with the same actors of the course of 12 years. The script was written on the fly to reflect things happening in the lead actors’ lives. Over the course of the film, Mason Jr. (Ellar Coltrane) grows up as the child of three divorces. His mother’s marriages collapse around him as background music gets more and more recent. There isn’t really a beginning, middle or ending to this film — it just sort of goes on.

Whether or not a viewer enjoys himself, it is a monumental exercise of disciplined filmmaking.

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‘MMMMMMMMMMURICA!!! Photos courtesy 20th Century Fox

Advancement, Daybreak, Construction, Erection…

In Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Caesar (Andy Serkis) led an ape revolution after being subjected to Will Rodman’s (James Franco) miracle Alzheimer’s drug. At the beginning of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, multiple newsreels explain that most of humanity has been wiped out by an apocalypse-level flu epidemic — conveniently caused by that same drug.

The apes live in peace in Muir Woods. Humans live in a dense colony on the San Francisco Peninsula. The two come into contact when the humans, within two weeks of running out of power, try to restart a hydroelectric dam in the apes’ woods. In a bizarre combination of un-Sign Language and broken English, the apes demand the humans stay on their side of the bridge. But they can’t do that, because electricity.

There’s knowing how the story will go, then there’s Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. I’ve genuinely had less predictable experiences reciting the alphabet. Every dramatic moment is telegraphed.

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This July 4 weekend looks to be the most boring since 1986, when Psycho III was the headliner. Between Transformers: Dinobots, McCarthy, Another Exorcism Remake and WALL-E Phone Home, there is literally nothing appealing out right now. But these films are all fantastic specimens of the kind of repetitive tripe that Hollywood is always giving way too much money to. We’re not going to validate these films with an actual review — that would be one word, “derivative.” What we’re going to do is pick them apart and examine what makes them so like everything else.

Photo courtesy Paramount Pictures

Disaster movies follow several primary characters from different walks of life as they deal with massive, destructive sequences of CGI that are completely beyond their control.

The term evokes natural disaster movies, but weather movies are some of the worst members of this story structure. In truth, they’ve taken over for action movies as the most titillating, high-profile affairs of the summer. There are some transition movies — several recent superhero movies have featured massive destruction in their plot — but large, extended scenes of destruction have mostly taken over for taut action sequences in the past few years.

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How were these guys popular? They’re just nasal! It’s like Frankie Valli has convinced the whole world to give him credit for the hold-your-nose-and-talk-funny trick. Photo courtesy Warner Bros. Motion Pictures.

How many synonyms are there for the word “lifeless?”

That’s the only word to describe Jersey Boys, but for descriptions sake there need to be more. Based on the smash hit Broadway musical, the film follows the development and dissolution of the Four Seasons, a band that, somehow, was popular in the ’60s. The movie is narrated by each in turn — Tommy DeVito (Vincent Piazza), a thug who wants to earn a fortune with a calculated attempt at music; Bob Gaudio (Erich Bergen), a songwriting genius who makes the band popular; Nick Massi (Michael Lomenda), an extra person so the band has four; and Frankie Valli (John Lloyd Young), a singer more nasal than a sinus infection.

They grow popular… somehow, I mean they’re just terrible, and then fall apart because of DeVito’s severe behavioral and gambling problems.

Inert, empty, extinct, dead…

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