‘Flash’ is really bad

Also, his costume looks terrible. Images courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

1/10 The Flash is bad. The first action sequence where Flash has to save a neonatal care ward falling from the 43rd floor of a hospital is funny-bad – no matter how much the movie is winking here, I’m still very much laughing at, not with it – but for the most part, it’s just bad.

The Flash is the culmination of a very long history of desperate, idiotic decisions by Warner Bros. about how to make money with its comic book adaptation properties, and that history is written into the film. It’s fascinating for me personally to see all these decisions play out in a movie format, but I can’t recommend the movie for anyone else.

If you want to read about the history, here goes-

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‘Beast Wars’ tear up the screen, Hasbro announces its cinematic universe

Images courtesy Paramount Pictures.

8/10 Transformers: Rise of the Beasts, the seventh Transformers movie since the franchise got underway in 2007 and the second not to be directed by Michael Bay, is a good time if predictable to a fault.

Brooklyn, 1994- it’s revealed that transformers have been on Earth for several centuries, just like in Transformers 2, 3, 4 and 5, but these transformers are Maximals, a distant cousin of the Autobot tribe the series has followed so far, who transform into wild animals instead of cars. I think we can all agree that wild animals are much cooler than cars. The Maximals came to Earth fleeing Unicron (Colman Domingo), an evil planet-eating god who wants their transwarp key so he can teleport to new planets – he’d been walking to planets before, I guess.

The Maximals split the key in two for safety, but archaeologist Elena Wallace (Dominique Fishback) discovers half of it from a find in North Africa, and suddenly every Autobot, Maximal and Terrorcon – Unicron’s team of goons who apparently don’t have the same logistical concerns, they can just show up wherever they want – in the solar system wants a piece of her. After a showdown on Ellis Island, the whole gang races to Peru to find the second half of the key as Unicron starts walking toward Earth, just like he was at the end of Transformers 5 even though that’s set a quarter century later.

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Swinging slowly ‘Across the Spider-Verse’

Images courtesy Sony Pictures Releasing.

7/10 After the breakout success of 2018’s multidimensional animated adventure Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, its sequel was lined up as one of the most hotly anticipated films of 2023, and boy does Sony know it.

New York City- Gwen Stacy (Hailee Steinfeld), tired of secretly fighting her police captain father as Spider-Woman and hearing constant abuse from him within the home, runs off to join a society of multi-dimensional spider-people. For months, she’s told to avoid Miles Morales (Shameik Moore), who is similarly isolated as his school and puberty ramp up, but he remains isolated from Stacy and their spider-friends from the prior adventure. When a dimension-hopper native to Morales’ own universe, a villain calling himself The Spot (Jason Schwartzman), begins moving through other dimensions to consolidate his power source, Morales gets sucked into the spider-society himself, where he’s faced with more experienced spider-people bent on enforcing the tragic spider-narrative.

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‘Joyland’ and the state of the queer arthouse rom-dram

Joyland is one of those drab movies that takes almost all of its iconography from a single scene because nothing else seems like it could sell the movie to unconvinced viewers. Images courtesy Oscilloscope.

When groundbreaking Urdu-language trans drama Joyland finally strolled into American arthouses last May, it came highly decorated. The film premiered at Cannes in May 2022, where it won the Queer Palm and Jury Prize and earned invitations to several other film festivals, including special screenings at Toronto and Sundance, and became the first ever Pakistani film to be shortlisted for the Best International Feature Oscar, though it did not secure a nomination.

Lahore, Pakistan- Haider (Ali Junejo), the second son of a proud lower-middle class family who has been unemployed for years supported by his wife, Mumtaz (Rasti Farooq), and access to the family home, secures a job as a backup dancer to Biba (Alina Khan), a local out male-to-female trans performer, and the two eventually begin an affair. The tension in the film stems from everyone’s unhappiness and paranoia. Haider’s arch-conservative father, Rana Amanullah (Salmaan Peerzada) has four granddaughters through Haider’s older brother, but demands a grandson. Haider must hide the nature of his work from Amanullah, and at one point Amanullah lets a elderly neighbor woman crash on his couch for a night and it turns into a whole sit-down between the family and her son, if that gives an idea of how conservative this neighborhood is. Haider’s and Mumtaz’ marriage was already dissatisfactory, and Haider’s affair with Biba isn’t all sunshine and daisies either – it’s more of a fling that happens more than once, it never even looks like it might stabilize into a real relationship.

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Closing out OCFF 2023

One of my favorite things about the Texas Theatre is watching it fill up with people. It’s a very narrow lobby that doesn’t have nearly enough room for a full house to be in it at once, which is a design problem that all old single-screen movie palaces have to some extent. Because of the geography, I usually spend all day there if I head down at all, and the audience always seems to grow steadily over the course of the day no matter what’s playing – though maybe me being more excited for the matinees is a function of my own tastes. In any case, the lobby almost always turns into an unyielding crush of humanity as any given day goes on.

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